Friday, May 25, 2007
i am so confused right now di ko alam kung anong dapat gawin..... my mind is torn between my desires and what is right, lam ko naman na nung una palang ayokong umalis pro no choice ako so napunta ko d2 and ever since ng mapunta ko d2 all i ever wanted was to go back home =( i was so depressed di ko lam kung pano ko kokontrolin yung sadness na nararamdaman ko at that time i was praying and hopping that one day makakauwi rin ako ulit.... days...weeks... months... had passed but still wala paring progress ang life ko d2.... until dumating yung time na nagkaroon ng chance ang mom ko na sabihin sa dad ko na gus2 nya na umuwi kmi... pagka gising ko kinausap ako agad ng dad ko he was asking me if i want to go back home.....speechless ako i just answered him with a smile, d ko kc ineexpect na daratin yung ganung moment, na c papa yung magsasabi na bibigyan nya kmi ng chance na umuwi pro after saying that may pahabol xa he said na wala daw sisihan if ever na makauwi kmi, i feel happy and at thesame time threatened lam ko ugali ng papa ko....he stick to his words and matigas tlaga xa though i know d nya kmi pababayaan i'm still scared pro gus2 ko tlagang umuwi sobrang gus2ng gus2 and my mom feels the same way too maxado na xang malungkot d2 mdalas xang npapaiyak because of depression..... what was bothering me is that pag umuwi ako it'll be hard for me to go into college coz nagstop ako for a year and aside from that classes had started na for sure pag umuwi ako... makakapag enroll man ako sa 2nd sem na pro sabi ng mom ko mahirap lalo na pag nursing course na kukunin ko......d ko na tlaga alam gagawin ko or iisipin ko.... Pero isa lang yung pinaka sure na ako sobrang happiness yung nafeel ko nung cnabi ng papa ko na bibigyan nya kmi ng chance na mkauwi.......
BHUbye.... ;
Monday, May 21, 2007
life is so unpredictable!!! you'll never know when will bad things happen to you. I never expected that our relationship would be worse as soon as i gave a second chance to him, i was so stupid thinking that he might change, throw he's old attitude and be more like a real man to me, i knew it from the start that he might not be like whom i expected him to be, we are way too far from each other and i know that there are a lot of things that is happening to him that i do not know and the same way goes for me but i believe that our relationship is strong enough to continue our long distance relatioship, but days after our reconciliation he just shows how unfaithful he is, he even got the nerves to court other girls, i do feel mad about him and yes i am jealous, i hated him so much but still i love him...i may sound so unreasonable but that's what this situation is,good things just turned out to be not on my side, i was the once who's left behind, i pitied my self but i know this is not the right way to deal with this kind of situation.
i've got lots of friends and i know that whatever the story is they'll be on my side, and besides there are a bunch of good guys out there who deserves my love way better than the ones who betrayed me, all i can say to him is " I do believe in KARMA". better not mess up with the good guys coz you'll never know when will karma strikes!! hehehe (i sound like i was threatening someone hehehehe).
Anyway i was so busy thinking how to deal with him that i even forgot that i do have lots of guys who's concerned with me nyahahaha "the more problems you bring to me the more good guys comforts me" wahaha i think it is unfair that you've got too many girls around you while was left here waiting for you so i might as well have some other important guys around me too i think they deserve more of my attention than you do. so for now this how i deal with things i'll be moving on without you BLE!!!! hehehe
BHUbye.... ;
Saturday, May 19, 2007
lately i noticed that a lot of people had been asking me about how was i recently and just like my old anwers i've been telling them that i'm fine and still thesame... then they will ask me if i already had friends here or do i have a bf and all those stuffs well i just give them a smile and tell them that i'm a happy single and still i've got no friends here that has thesame age as me, i don't know untill when can i keep those answers... untill now i have no idea on what will happen to me, it's not that i'm complaining i know a lot of people wanted to go and stay here for good and just like what they say we are one of the lucky families who was able to have a good life here but for me it was like hell stayin in this place, i know maybe i'm not that open minded to think of the positive sides of the situation but for me having no friends is like hell i know i depended a lot on them, back then i can even say that i would rather choose them over my family. since we've got here i lost the track of my vision about my future it seems like everything is messed up, having to stop studying for a while was like a nightmare for me, i would not want to waste my tears crying over just beacause of that but reality keeps on spinning my wheel, i was so down knowing that everything that i had back when we were in the philippines where all gone since we got here... i don't want to loose hope but for me it's such a pain in the a** that i don't even have someone beside me everytime i feel so down, i know iv'e got lots of online friends and they do make me feel a lot better but having someone near you talking to you during ur lowest points is such a relief, lately i know i had been fooling my self, thinking of things that i know would not happen , dreaming of things , assuming that someone likes me just to make my self proud and happy, i even go beyond my limits, i've been writing down entries just to inform someone how was i and what was happening to me to think that that someone wouldn't even care to read my entries or to understand me, i'm continously updating my site just to show everyone how was i when i was happy but eversince i haven't been showing the true side of the stories, honestly i'm not happy i don't like the fact that i'm getting used to live and feel fine living here, i felt like i'm just waisting my time here, though i must admit that i learned a lot of things here and realized some of my mistakes... i'm just not happy.... =(
BHUbye.... ;
Friday, May 18, 2007
^^ at first i wouldn't believe that everything changes, pra sakin kc para san pa yun sinasabi mo na maybabalikan kayong tao who will stay thesame kahit after ilang years na lumipas bago nyo balikan..... pro i prove my self that i'm wrong everything changes kahit sabihin kong cla parin yung mga taong yun... oo cla parin pro iba na.... mraming nangyayring di ko alam na nagbaabgo rin skanila and sakin rin, totoo pla yung ksabihan na hindi yung lugar ang nagbabago kung di yung tao....yung luagr nman di yun umaalis narerenovate pero yun parin yung lugar thesame place thesame spot... pro yung tao... nagbabago..... nkakalungkot lng kc bakit lahat ng gagawin mo may kapalit na sagot minsan d pa positive yung sagot.... bakit pag naghahanap ka ng taong gus2 mo mamahalin ka pag nagiging mbait na syo nilalayuan mo na?? bakit magulo yung nagiging reaksyon ng tao?? kala ko nung una gus2 ko nang bumalik pro naiisip ko mas gus2 ko nalgn pumuntas a ibang lugar.... kc di ko na nrramdamn yung nararamdamn ko noon sa uuwian ko..... parang mas gus2 ko nalang pumunta dun sa mga lugar kung san nandun yung mga nkkausap ko.... parang napaka open ko na sa ibang tao... parang mas mdali nila kong nakikilala kesa dun sa mga taong inaasahan kong mas makikilala ako...
BHUbye.... ;
,love eating siomai and palabok,5'3 my height and reall pinay complexion, friendly din,kinda sabog minsan, a little bit emotional, chocolate lover,uhm known as tibo when i was a kid....a religous girl pero a bit agressive, i'm a girl that does not know how to made my own decisions...i love pillows and any soft stuff...weird din minsan and may mood swings paminsan minsan a very predictable girl once you see me you'll know my attitude....a very emotional girl..cry baby daw??..adict in numbers 1,5,3 and 15, this site is all about my thoughts so please respect it....xenxa na kung most of the topics are all about love coz that's me yun talaga nsa utak ko hehe 